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karma's teethmarks
2003-10-20 @ 5:04 p.m.
part of the point and purpose of moving on, moving past someone is that i don't need to be let down by them again. by some sort of default, one of my friends was in portland for work. needed a place to stay. had an ulterior motive. so of course she met up with jill. who, as you might have deduced, i've long since moved beyond being tormented by. it seems my friend railed into her with the biting force of brutal honesty. apparently jill was crying, broken, crumpled. yeah, it sucks when you realize how much you fucked up and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. something possessed jill to call me twice last night. the first was a missed call on my cell because my girlfriend and i were having (earmuffs!, for the fragile) hot-ass sex and weren't about to even look to see who was calling. the second time, angela answered and said i wasn't available. don't know what else jill said to her but i think it was just a tell her i called. vindication isn't as exciting as i thought it would be when i was still embroiled in the shit. from where i'm standing, it's fairly anti-climactic. knowing jill called is more irritating than anything. her making an effort doesn't mean anything anymore. see, the other thing is that it's fairly insulting to have someone call to apologize or whatever she was going to do because they just came to the striking realization that they hurt someone. that has nothing to do with me---her calling me that is. i don't think she realizes just how closed the door is. she might do well to follow my lead and move on.
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