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missing
2004-06-10 @ 2:59 p.m.
i am missing DC, missing NOW, missing the work i did, the issues i could impact. i miss working on things big. being in the political middle of it all. i miss miss miss it. this is probably rooted partly in snobbiness and partly rooted in the fact that despite all the bullshit there, it was my dream job. maybe sometimes the love/hate things are as such. they will always leave you pining. the intensity of it.
i missing missing missing DC, my friends, my life there... hugely, painfully.
what's that about the grass being greener? so many times i felt like i needed to get the fuck out of there. and now, from time to time, i wonder why i left. i wonder if moving was really the best idea.
... walking home from work on a humid summer evening, air thick, gulping down humidity. out here, in a land without cicada symphonies i wonder if i wouldn't feel so lonely if the trees outside my window were buzzing. it's too quiet i felt last night. too quiet for a summer evening that's too cool anyway as cold grey clouds rolled over the oakland hills. wishing i could be sitting on the black iron stoop of a century old brick rowhouse eating watermelon because it's too hot to ingest anything else, reading anne sexton and waiting for inspiration.
maybe people are more mellow out here because the weather isn't so volatile and extreme. maybe i'm not sure how to function without all that stimulation and intensity. the funny this is, i think that's what i wanted to get away from. and here i am, wracked with longing...
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