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so much effort
2005-10-31 @ 5:04 p.m.
it's halloween in the san francisco and i don't care all the much. might go down to the castro, might not. i love my costume idea, so i might have to go. so, if i go, i'm going to be a back alley abortion. wearing all black. dark circles under my eyes. wire hangers all over me. with text on my back saying no on proposition 73.
i'm getting more and more reclusive, i think. more prone to just wanting to stay home, warm and comfy on the couch in my living room. is it social phobia, laziness, getting old & boring? i know this is ridiculous, but i swear that sometimes it's just so much effort to hang out with people that you just kind of know. they may be perfectly wonderful people and good company. but it's not the same as, say, feeling tired or bleh or cranky and knowing that you can be spending time with good friends you've known for years and who you can just be tired or bleh or cranky around instead of having to be on, and entertaining. so, i don't know, maybe i should just work and live her for a couple more years and then move back to the east coast and buy a little 1920s bungalow in takoma park and be back among my people... i don't know... that's what i feel about everything lately. i just don't know. my therapist says this is a sacred space. like the journey/descent of inanna.
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