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everyone breathes together
2003-04-22 @ 10:14 a.m.
i don't want to be anybody's fucking second choice. and i don't want to be anybody's rebound. i've been there and done that before. i wonder how i've thought all these wonderful things about people, that seem to suddenly go away. enter image of walking with jill at night in st. paul. it's not longing anymore, but an occasional wondering. i kind of don't want someone to tell me cute things, tell me i sound cute all tired in the morning. because all that shit can go away so fast and it's like, why did you even fucking bother saying it? it sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable, sometimes slightly skeptical, maybe even sometimes suspicious. there will be no more falling and melting at statements akin to i like it when we breathe together. anyone can say shit like that any time. and very easily. if you think i'm all cute or amazing or whatever, wait until you see my wrath and then tell me how cute i am when i'm aplogizing about it later. because of course all the good shit is cute. but that doesn't impress me anymore. i'll be impressed when you deal with the hard shit and the ugly messes. as long as i hold you at a distance, i think i'll be ok.
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