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funked up
2005-12-13 @ 1:55 p.m.
what do i need to pull me out of this sort of funk? thoughts, suggestions, offers welcome. and maybe it's not a funk so much. just a need for community. the kind of community i used to have. the kind i left behind when i moved across the country to pursue a dream that fell through. and i should be over that, right? dreams fall through all the time. setbacks happen. you've got to get up and get goin' girl. right? see, i talked to one of my DC friends for 3 hours last night. and everyone wonders why i haven't found a community yet here. my friends across the country are shocked, surprised to hear this. because it's not like me, or not the me that they know. it's the old me, i fear, creeping back in. the old me who was skittish and insecure. i shipped my wild unabashedness and irreverence across the country and the freight hasn't arrived. i preach to ang about adapting. but i haven't. i'm still stuck in between somehow. the logical thing to do would be to just move back. sort of. yet not really. because that's not what i want to do. i want here what i had there. i want here, what i had there. and i don't have it. which is frustrating, at best. massively lonely closer to worst. i want to believe that i can have here what i had there, this beautiful wonderful rich full life. i want to believe. but seriously, i get freaked out that i won't. i want my fucking life back. i want it. and i'm not patient. but i could be. come back life, come back.
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