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dharmaqueen.diaryland.com

the crash
2006-02-13 @ 8:32 p.m.

ah, here it comes, the crash. here it is. it was bound to happen.

aided by red wine, the l-word and sex & the city. and maybe, just maybe, aided by today.

i was on top of the world last week. last week, it made her feel bad that i was so happy. that's the thing with me though, it will always swing the other way, eventually.

and maybe it's perfectly understandable. the sadness, the tears. the grieving. i suppose it is.

i was fine. then i let her borrow the cabinet from the living room. the dresser that was mine was i was a baby. that we painted lavendar together in oakland. and with out it, the living room, the whole space in the apartment seems so more open. gaping. the emptiness more apparent.

if i could break this down, typing through crying, what would it be. missing? knowing what i'll miss in the future.

in the sex & the city episode they were talking about having someone there to catch you. it's such a comforting security, to know that there is someone there who will catch you. if i needed her now, she'd be there to catch me. one day, i'll need her, or need someone or something. and she won't be there, or won't be able to be there. which is reasonable and inevitable. and it sucks.

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